so its been a long time
But i feel good about putting something in this spot because no onewill really read it.
Maybe i'm going crazy. I know im loosing my mind. And i feel so helpless. and i want to cry, and i do. But i dont even know why anymore. why is it that wherever you are you want to be somewhere else, and why is it that i must pick apart things when they are so good. And why am i waiting for the bad to happen and when it happens i am so devastated. And i just want to go home driving and watch the leaves change and listen to old music and see old friends.I'm so sick of the city andthese relationships that arent going anywhere but to shit. And i always thought that i was a strong person and I'm always dishing out this advice and i can't take any of it. I'm so weak when it comes to doing what i have to inorder to gain something better. And why do i put up with so much of this bullshit, I should have gotten rid of it forever ago. But kaitlin was right, the other day she told me that when you really love someone you put all that aside and you justdeal with it becaue you love them, But why would you ever want to do that when it seems so one sided. and why do i keep getting in to this shit. when i wasa 12 it was the worst thing ever to be 12 and to not be able to do anything, but i wish that i would have known that really getting older is the most terrible thing and that it just comes withall this shit that i cant get past and i know that everyone is just carrying around this shit and i just want to burn it or walk away or something, but i just cabt physically do it.
I want something better, and in order to do that I have to get rid of all this shit. I wish i would do it already